Ever since Cyril got his say on the blog, the cows have been kicking off big time. So to keep them on side, I offered Mrs Cow, head of the cow crew to give an interview….

DIGS Lady: So, Mrs Cow, how long have you been kicking aound at Storthes Hall then?
Mrs Cow: Well, I’ve actually been here for 3 years, mooing, chewing the cud and being a cow. It’s a great life usually and me and my gang love it here but then that pheasant came and stole away my lime light, it’s just really unfair. I know you all worship Cyril the Pheasant. I know you think that he is all cute and you think I’m creepy. I’ve heard you lot saying I have crazy beady eyes. How mean! I just want to be your friend but ya know, if I’m not good enough, it’s fine…
DL: Now don’t think like that Mrs Cow! I’m sure you’re good enough to be our friend and you’re kinda cute, in a cow like way. What do you think you can bring to the people of Storthes that Cyril can’t?
MC: Well, Digs Lady, let me tell you something about me. I am a cow and proud. Cows produce milk and burgers and steaks. I’m not suggesting you eat me or any of my close family but suck on that Cyril the Pheasant! You got no steak. Therefore I am infinitely better than you.
DL: This is very true, a steak is a steak after all. What do you say to recent comments about you being beady eyed?
MC: Well, that’s just mean, horrible even. I was actually born with beadyeyeitis. It’s a terrible disease that is genetic. The vet could do nothing for me as a youngster, my Mam was devastated. It doesn’t make me inferior! Not in the least. If you had gotten close enough to Cyril you’d have noticed that he has a rather bad case of athletes foot. That’s totally worse than beadyeyeitis.
DL: So, tell me what happened the other day?! Some students were definitely over excited…
MC: That invasion the other day? Yeah that was me and the crew and there are others planned! You need to show us some more love or the cows will bring it and maybe withhold milk in protest. It was fun though. We escaped from Mr Farmers field in a plot good enough to rival Animal Farm without the human hating bit, obviously. We just want to be appreciated. Moo!
DL: Indeed. So in a perfect world, what would you like the outcome to be of this interview?
MC: Well, I would like notoriety and fame of course, I already have a publicist so I’m half way there. Failing this (I’m a wise old cow after all) just a little bit of love and appreciation now and again. Maybe a nice hello or a pat on the nose. A handful of grass would be nice. That’s all I ask for!
DL: Not much then, I am sure our lovely students will oblige! Now, can we ask you some silly questions?
MC: I’m a very serious person. I mean cow.
DL: Just some little trivia questions…
MC: Fine, ok. Nothing about that time I hooked up with Mr Cow though, yeah? My publicist already told you we aren’t talking about that.
DL: Umm, ok. What’s your favourite colour?
MC: Black. White. No, black. White! Oh I don’t know.
DL: Favourite flower?
MC: Buttercups. They taste delicious.
DL: Do you have a cowbell?
MC: No, should I?
DL: Yes you should. Favourite song?
MC: Black and Gold by Sam Sparrow. (At this time Mrs Cow drifts off in to a kind of reverie and it takes some time to get an answer to this question). It reminds me of Mr Cow. He was black and gold, a special kind of Moo Cow. So dreamy!
DL: You said we couldn’t mention Mr Cow?
MC: We can’t. Interview over.
So that’s Mrs Cow. I found her to be a rather hard interviewee, but make of her what you will.
Sam (aka the Digs Lady)
The DIGS Team.